Project Runway Recap: The Drinking Game Edition.

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Forgive my lack of pictures. Blame the twins. 

 

Oh, my goodness. I am so sorry this is late. I have no excuse for this. None. Other than I have no wanted to watch it again because the Tweedledee Twins make me want to punch a wall.

Also, my kid was home for a million days because of Hurricane Irma. I love my child; I love that he is getting an education and socialization. I lovvvvvvvvvvvvvve the absolute silence that is my home right now, as he has finally returned to the hallowed halls of education.

When I started the recap thing, I didn’t want to score easy points off any of the designers. I have always felt they are creative out of thin in, in a fishbowl and until I have been there, I can’t make fun of them.

I have watched every season of Project Runway, and I can say that the Buitendorp twins are without a doubt in my top five most disliked contestants ever.

*Here is a little secret. The Unicorn watches these before writing these up. I tend to Recap as if it’s real time, but I usually have to watch each episode about four times.*

Legit. I don’t want to watch this again. Right, this second I am looking at a crochet pattern for a mystery crochet along because it’s not the twins. *Fighting the urge to get yarn and do that instead of this recap.*

 

Recap time.

So there is a Disney thing where the kids of the villains make a movie and do cool stuff. They are promoting the sequel. My child isn’t at this stage of Disney so I honestly have no idea what this is and I am not going to talk about it.

Cause. Reasons.

So the designers need to make something that fits under good, or evil. Michael since he won last week, gets to pick. I have to say his choices were a bit impressive because he split up the twins. It has to be an evening wear look. Not costumey. *haha good luck with this challenge Margarita*

Good Designers:

Claire
Aaron
Amy
Brandon
Kentaro
Ayana

Evil Designers:

Michael
Samantha
Kenya
Shawn
Margarita
Batani

Tim tells them all that they have 300 bucks for this plus two days.

*Claire at this point says that she is thrilllled to have two days. Keep a pin right here because we’re coming the fuck back to this.*

C&S are in the rose garden sketching, and Claire is thrilled with her willowy model. She calls hers a stunning creature. *Who will be the perfect representation of good. Because that’s the twins in a nutshell. Tall skinny = Good.*

I hate when people talk like that. You know what I’m talking about. Everyone has that one friend who tries to sound avant-garde. Like they stepped out of the Great Gatsby.

This episode’s designer who gets the plus size model is: Margarita! *At first I thought this would be awesome because Margarita is always mentioning how she designs for women.*

Ohhh. But she meant tiny little women. Got it.

WHAT EPISODE IS THIS? WHY IS STILL A THING? For bloody fuck sake, I hope Project Runway is paying for the therapy the models will need after this season. We got someone calling a size 6- HUGE and Jasmine the model has to deal with the weekly designer who gets her and hates it.

Kenya’s model is my favorite. She is fierce, and I can’t wait to see her this week.

Kentaro and Brandon’s little Bromance gives me a breath of fresh air for this episode. I adore them.

*Insert throwaway shots of Mood. I love Swatch, the dog, so I like those bits*

Tim wants to know how the twins will handle the fact they are on opposite sides of the room.

I know that the other designers will feel it with joy in their hearts.

Samantha who I like, she has something on her dress form that looks like it would be good for an unconditional challenge.

Aaron is making his whole dress as practice. Has he never seen this show? He has two days, not two weeks.

*Now let’s go back to that pin about Claire. She is saying that two days could be a designer’s worst nightmare.*

Margarita is in her head, and she is telling everyone who will listen that she designs for REAL women and not avant-garde. They are designing evening wear.

She is now crying to her parents about how she makes women beautiful. *I rolled my eyes. I admit it. Rolled them so hard I saw the wrinkles on my brain.*

Like legit crying because she has a plus-size model. Grow the fuck up. *I should make this a drinking game for my readers. Each time I say fuck. You guys drink.* ** Don’t fucking die from alcohol poisoning.**

Kenya is complaining about her lack of fabric, that she knew but she still got it.

Claire is the bigger problem of the twins. Shawn did well last week, this week Claire is losing her mind. Dragging her sister across the room.

Margarita hates Brandon’s look. It’s pink and sweet. Well, he has good, so that has to be good right? I happen to like it. I love the print he got. I think the top is way too much like everything he’s done. But I love it.

Michael’s fabric is fabulous, and he has a plus-size model, and he’s not bitching at all.

Oh, Amy. I love you, but your cape thing is weird. WEIRD. Her design is so costume like.

Ayana’s dress is confusing me. It’s like little house on the prairie. Someone page Half Pint and let her know that Ayana has her dress.

I’m worried about Kentaro. I have no idea what he’s doing. Either does Tim. Kentaro just admitted he is lost too. Brandon get our friend a map, please!

Samantha mentions that she loves Disney and fairy-tales. She says that she isn’t even embarrassed about it. Her look reminds me of Hot Topic from 1997. It’s missing a little Jack Skellington head on it. Tim hurt her feelings because this is how she designs. She identifies as spooky. I love horror and scary things, and I don’t see it. I also don’t get why people qualify things. I like this, and I’m not embarrassed by it! Great? Just like it then. The rest is useless information. Let your freak flag fly.

Michaels model loves her dress, and I love her personality. They have knocked this look out of the park. He listened to her, and they made it work. He hasn’t complained.
Claire can’t-do this without Shawn. It’s 100% obvious. I have barely seen Shawn’s dress because she has been helping Claire the whole time.

Samantha is reigning in her spookiness. I JUST DON’T SEE IT. Almost 40 years of horror-loving and I don’t see the “spooky” at all in any part of Samantha’s dress. She’s worried she’ll be at the bottom and I agree. It’s ugly.

Claire and her sun visor hat that she is wearing indoors is unreal. Her dress looks like a costume. It’s a gossamer pile of fairy puke.

I legit have no idea what the fuck Aaron’s dress is about.

Claire hates Brandon’s dress.

Samantha just zippered her model’s nipple in her dress. I’m am telling you. Therapy and medical attention for all the models.

Shawn: Kenya’s look is an oxblood mariachi band I think it’s heinous. <~ Hi I’m a jealous twat. *Wait did I say that out loud in the quote box? Fuck.* **Take a drink bitches**

I fucking love Kenya’s look. That outfit I would wear right now. I would wear it in parts because it’s brilliantly made.

Claire think’s Samantha’s is a hot mess.

Amy burns Claire’s dress, does it calmly and with big words. Someone will have to explain it to Claire when they rewatch the series.

I feel so bad for Aaron’s model. I have never seen a dress like that come out on the runway.

Michael’s model is going to slay the fucking runway. She knows it. You should be aware it too.

The Unicorn’s Rank:

  1. Kenya 
  2. Brandon **
  3. Michael 
  4. Margarita (She listened to her model and knocked it out of the park. Thank god with all that crying and hysterics.)
  5. Amy
  6. Kentaro
  7. Batani (I feel like we hardly see her dress at all this episode.)
  8. Ayana
  9. Samantha
  10. Shawn
  11. Claire
  12. Aaron **

 

I feel like Claire’s dress is country music, Taylor Swift. While Shawn’s dress is off her new album – Look what you made me do. INDEED.

Tim Gunn always waves and blows kisses at the same time. He’s so adorable.

Shawn talks about her dress, and she can’t even sell it.

Brandon’s dress is so him. Which is good, the judges have to know that he made that.

So Aaron’s design almost made Zac puke. It looks like a cross between a pantsuit pinata. My friend KS said “Sea Witch of Period Toilet Paper” I have to agree.

Batani hardly was seen from this whole show, but her dress is very well done. Utterly forgettable. I think she’ll be safe.

Ayana’s dress looked better when her Model’s hair was uncovered in my opinion. It gave her a chic boho feel.

Kenya’s design slays. Her model killed it.

 

The Top Three:

Brandon, Michael, and Kenya. (WOW! I agree with this!! Will never happen again.)

The Bottom Three:

Aaron, Claire, and Samantha.

Brandon won. Aaron went home.

 

This is like a P.S. To this episode. I usually stop at this point. But I felt like I needed to talk about it.

Watching Claire during this whole thing is just pissing me off. They love Brandon’s, and she’s unable to hide her hate on her face.

Zac and Nina rip her apart, and she just takes it. But I can tell that disagrees. She agrees out loud, but her face is screaming something different.

The reason I am doing this P.S. because as a writer I need and value criticism. It is part of what I do. Designers also deal with it. You can’t move forward without it, in my opinion.

I am not going to gravel and say OH THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! I’ll do better next week. I don’t feel I deserve to be on the bottom. – Claire

Everyone was shocked when she came back, and she refuses to accept her design sucked. I have to believe it’s a lack of taste. I don’t know how much longer the twins will be able to do each other’s work.

I’m so over the twins. The complaining, the whining, the venom towards other designers looks. It’s just not fun to watch.

Thanks for tuning into this recap. It’s been real. It’s been fun, but this episode wasn’t real fun.

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The Monday after Irma.

I am without power at this time. I’ll post when I do get power.
I want to say a huge thank you to the people out there working on the lines to restore power. Our water was out this morning and we had it back by noon. 

I hope the power is back soon. I miss a/c!

Hope everyone is well. I’ll post my Monday soon as I can! 
Oxox Unicorn. 

Project Runway: The Empire State of Twins.

I live in near Cocoa Beach Florida, which is currently evacuated for Hurricane Irma. I am worried about the Southern part of the state as Irma is slowly crawling from Cuba. I feel as if Key West is a part of my soul and I hope that it faces the storm and comes out the winner. But I know whatever damage occurs that they will rebuild and flourish. The home of Ernest Hemingway is filled with his beloved polydactyl cats; they are waiting out the storm tonight with their friends the managers of the Hemingway Museum. Conch Republic Strong! Stay safe friends. ❤

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Stay safe Florida! ❤ 

Now for the Empire State of Recaps.

Obviously, at the end of the last runway, Tim and Heidi reappear with sleeping bags and a key to the Empire State Building.

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This is from Pride 2014. I just loved the picture. 

Claire and Shawn look as if someone has just told them they both would be getting LARGER MODELS of a size two variety.

I love this challenge already. They have to sleep on the 86th floor.

Heidi is asking them to design something that will be featured in her sleepwear collection. *So after I wrote this I went to the website. They made the winning look longer, which I like. However, I checked it out, and Heidi’s mission statement is all about women feeling natural and intimates fitting their bodies. Nothing is over an XL. So the show is allllllllllllll about inclusion, but Heidi’s brand is not.* **This is me, right now, being totally not fucking surprised.**

I wish the twins would change their lipstick color. It hurts my eyes. Especially when they both open it wide and it turns their mouths into fuschia O’s of doom.

Hey, Brandon is safe. I wonder how badly he’ll bomb. I notice that most people do badly when they are safe.

All of the designers are in matching jammies. *I love it!*

I love the inside of the Empire State building. It’s lovely. It’s filled with Art Deco and magic. I went there in the winter of 1993, and it inspired in me an immense love for that style. It has stayed with me all these years.

I am so jelly of these designers! I would love to sleep up there!

It’s interesting how all of the designers have their phones. I wonder if they’re not allowed to use them during the work time, or if everyone is usually smart and doesn’t?

I always love watching them design, because they rarely end up with that as a finished product.

Poor Kentaro is doubting himself. But I think his design is cool.

Margarita has sleep shades. I love it. I love that the designers took selfies together. This is the first time in a long time that I felt the players were friendly towards each other and not playing some fabric store version of Survivor.

I can’t tell you how often I have fantasized about waking up to Tim Gunn holding bags of breakfast sandwiches. *le sigh* **Yes he’s wearing a perfectly tailored double breasted suit.**

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Look at that vision in the sunrise. I ❤ Tim. 

Eleven hours in the work room. Heidi and Tim will be in at 11 o’clock. I can’t stand it usually when Heidi visits. Her comments are vapid, and she often comes across like a ditzy airhead. I can’t believe that to be true so I am always left wondering why she puts the act on so thick?

*I love Batani’s crochet earrings.* 

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I took this off the TV, but you get the idea. 

Who french braided Brandon’s hair? *Heart eyes*

They’re showing Kenya’s work, and I love it. She’s dying fabric right now, and I hope it works out for her. That color matches the twins lipstick shade. *blarg*

They have to make their own textiles, and they are all freaking out.

Shawn has fallen. I am going to start doing shots for every time one of the twins falls, slips, or says something stupid. *I’m only going to play this game once, cause I’m gonna die.*

I love Brandon and Kentaro’s little bromance! ❤ Cuties.

Heidi has shown up with Tim. Tim totally whispers about how Shawn actually has something on her dress form and then Heidi blasts her about it.

I love Ayana. I might be modest in public! But I like being naked at home.

Poor Margarita. Tim doesn’t dig her ombre, and he just see’s menstrual cycle. I didn’t see it. But it’s been tossed.

They hate Amy’s design. I kinda agree. I feel bad cause I am still #teamamy

I’m not feeling most of these designs. I think it’s a combo between Hurricane Irma and women’s bed clothes don’t do it for me.

I am surprised by how put together Heidi is this time around. It’s a lovely surprise.

Wow. I think Tim Gunn just said Kentaro was being anal. Heidi looks as stunned as I feel.
Wow. Tim just said the models would be in for their fitting in two hours. I think the walk around took several hours. Thank god for editing.

The twins are totally cheating. There is helping someone with a few seams. But the twins are totally working in tandem. It’s like having extra hands. Several other designers are mumbling about it. I wonder if this is the crux of the cheating scandal they hinted at in the season preview?

Kentaro is listening to his model. I love it.

Deyonte has changed totally, and I hate it. The color is basic. The cut is basic, and it’s so not flattering.

The twins are totally helping each other way too much. I hope if this isn’t the cheating thing, that someone addresses this and tells them to stop. It’s really unfair.

OMG Kentaro is incredible. He keeps saying anal, and Samantha is going to die. I may die with her.

Samantha: You make me laugh.

Kentaro: You make me feel anal.

Unicorn: I love you both.

I have seen Deyonte’s design at Walmart. I think it was exactly that color too.

I like Shawn’s design, but who did it? Like both, their outfits are 50/50 credit for each other.

I love Kentaro’s nightgown, and I would buy it right now if I were able to. *I looked at the price of the winning design, and I don’t love it 200 bucks worth. Kentaro didn’t win. I’m just saying that the price is insane.*

 

Ok, so they are on the runway. Aaron is wearing sheer panty short things. Plus tighty whities. I am not sure what the hell is going on. He’s distracting Zac.

 

My Best to Worst:

Kentaro
Michael **
Brandon
Batani
Ayana
Amy
Shawn
Margarita
Kenya
Aaron *just for the print*
Claire
Deyonte **

 

So the judges top are Michael, Kentaro, and Shawn. I liked Brandon, but he’s safe, and I think they’re tired of seeing the same thing from him. I still liked it better than most.

The bottom picks Kenya, Deyonte, and Aaron. I think they called up Aaron because of his shorts.

Heidi and Zac mention those shorts. Please don’t wear them again was the gist of their comments.

 

The winner is Michael! The person going home is Deyonte. I think that’s good because now he can be there for when his baby is born.

So that is this week. The preview next week as Kentaro and Brandon sitting together on the grass in a rose garden.

Now KISS! ❤

 

Heidi Klum Intimates

A Week of Monday.

This weekend my PR said to me, “You’ve just been in a bad mood for two weeks.”

When I immediately had a brain freeze because I couldn’t decide if I wanted to cry or flip him off, I knew that he was probably correct. *But I still flipped him off because I need to keep it normal for him.*

Monday here in my world was a holiday, so both child and PR were home. I didn’t feel like carving anytime on my computer because my kid wants to help me type. Which means I never get any work done while he is awake and at home.

I used this as a sneaky excuse not to write my blog on Monday.

Well, there was that, and there were other things. I was stressed and worried this weekend. My emotions were normal I think for what I was dealing with. *I’m so vague. You’d think I was posting on Facebook. Sorry, it has to deal without people who probably don’t want their business all over my blog.*

Tuesday rolled in, and I thought. OKAY, Unicorn. Time to write your Monday blog. However, that just turned Tuesday into a Monday.

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Seriously. It was a long day yesterday. 

I keep reminding myself that I am allowed not to blog if I don’t want to. It shouldn’t feel like a chore because if it does, it’ll read like a chore. Over my life, I have tried a lot of diets and “lifestyle changes” that didn’t stick. I feel like this is holding because I know that I have to write this blog. I want to be honest and bare for anyone who takes a moment to read this. It means a lot that maybe someone will read this and know how I feel.

I have kept up my workout, and it’s been going well. I’m still getting over the kid started school plague, but it’s mostly gone.

When I was in school, I was taught that man is a bio-psycho-social being. That our bodies cannot be healthy if our mind is unwell.

I have been working on my mind. All of my life I have struggled with self-loathing. Where did it start? I have no idea. I know the childhood memories that are huge red flags for my weight issues. Like my father having me stand on a scale, and then my younger smaller cousin and my dad telling me that I should weigh as much as she did. Which was probably true. I did weigh a lot more. I was taller, older and had “baby fat.”

That memory is wrapped in shame like someone would wrap something breakable in tissue. I know that if my dad was alive and I told him how that moment made me feel he would be mortified. He was just scared and worried. I often wonder if my current weight would be something my parents would be horrified by. *This could be my self-loathing talking.*

Recently I unwrapped that shame memory, and I let it go. It’s still here I know it, it happened to me. I left off the shame when I put it back. I can’t change it; I can only change right now.

The whole ditching of red meat has been good. I have enjoyed it. The plus side is PR has switched with me on a few nights, and we are finding more things that we both enjoy eating.

He has lost weight, and I am so glad for it. I have lost weight, and I keep putting off buying a scale. I am going to stop that.

I hope anyone reading this knows that I appreciate your time. I hope that you are kind to yourself. It’s so easy to beat yourself up and tear yourself down. I’ve been so dreading writing this, being so late with it. But right now I feel good because I am writing it.

Anytime I outsmart my subconscious who occasionally enjoys sabotaging us, is a great day.

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A serving of pretzels is 17. I hate odd numbers so I used 16. 

So this week in addition to Hurricane Irma I am going to work on portions. Being smart about snacks and adding more time to my work out. Probably more yoga. I love yoga. I am going to try to figure out why I’ve been in a bad mood for two weeks. Hopefully this week it won’t be so bad.

I hope you guys have a good week! I will see you next Monday. If I have power lol.

Tea Review: Cucumber White.

I am not a huge fan of white tea. I rarely find any white tea that has that “tea” flavor that I am looking for. Often it tastes weak to me. Where I do like ice green tea and drink gallons of it during the summer, I have very little in my tea stash that is of the white tea variety.

I have a list of tea that I have been searching for locally. I do not want to buy it online unless I have to and by all accounts, I think I may have to for some of these.

Unicorn’s Unfindable Teas:

Rize Tea (For a Turkish Tea blog.)

Noon Tea or Kashmiri Pink Chai (This may have to be handled with a recipe.)

Butterfly Pea Flower tea (brews very blue)

Russian style tea or some sort. Mostly because I heard a Pre-Revolutionary (Russian) joke that said: What follows after tea? The punchline: The resurrection of the dead. *I have got to try a tea that brings back people from the dead*

Tazo Cucumber White tea. I saw a picture of this and have searched for it since.

Well, friends and neighbors. I found the Cucumber white. The Unicorn is victorious. *Fireworks*

When I got home, I opened the box and opened one of the tea bag packets. Immediately I could smell the lime. It was almost overpowering. I didn’t know lime was on there because I had been too focused on the cucumber part of the tea. No hint of cucumber. But the tea still smelled refreshing. This tea itself is low on the caffeinated scale.

I read the ingredients and frowned. This tea is not entirely white tea.

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The lime peel is more noticeable after its steeped. 

List:
White tea, lime peel, dandelion leaves, black Darjeeling tea, cucumber, peppermint, lemon verbena, natural flavors, and lime essence oil.

 

White tea is the same plant basically as black and green. The way the tea is handled determines what kind of tea it will be.

White tea is picked and left to wither and dry without much done to it.

So this tea isn’t all white tea, which is fine, I will probably enjoy this cuppa because it has the tea zing that I look for.

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I love my kitty cat mug. This tea is a lovely color. 

The color is a delightful clear light gold, and the lime aroma is dominant. The first taste was surprisingly good. The lime brightens up the tea, and I can taste hints of the lemon. I think the peppermint and cucumber are taken over entirely by the lime.

There is a smoothness that I usually don’t find with lime. Usually lime has a bitter after note, but this is missing that. I think the cucumber is calming it down and making the whole cuppa work towards refreshing. Thankfully it’s not a tea version of key lime pie.

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A, B, Viking Wife and J- You’re all famous now. Bask in it. 

I posted on Facebook that I was taste testing this and the reactions were great. I was given the idea to try this tea iced, and so I did. I think I agree with them. The ice tea is very fresh, and I can see this being a great tea for brewing in the sun.

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The ice tea and loose leaf side by side. 

Overall I give it a three and a half star out of five. I wanted to taste that cucumber more and was disappointed by the lack of it. Even though the cucumber might have made the whole thing taste weird. I don’t think I like hot cucumber…

Second taste I added sugar, and that was good as well. It changes the whole flavor profile by making the lime more candy like.

I would recommend this if you see it. It could be a good tea for an upset tummy or if you want a poolside summer drink.

Project Runway Recap: Better Late?

*Sorry for the tardiness of this post and the lack of photos. Life happened.* 

 

This week on Project Runway the theme of the episode was Innovation.

 

Okay for real, Heidi and Tim’s dancing pre-show is absolutely adorable. I love Tim Gunn.

After so many years, every time that Tim Gunn says “Make it work!” I get giddy. It never gets old.

 

So they all watched a clip from the new animated movie Leap!

Seriously the world needs more Hip Hop Ballet Dancers. So if you haven’t watched the beginning of PR, you need to. They’re worth it.

I feel like I should have a drinking game for this season. Whenever someone gets a model, who isn’t a zero, the viewer drinks when they start talking about how scared they are to design for their model.

Kentaro would be the reason I drink this episode…

Ayana is picking out fabric that I had a Homecoming dress made out of in 1994. It was kind of edgy then, I am not so sure how edgy it is now. But I like her so that I will give her the benefit of the doubt.

 

Claire just did her impersonation of a T-Rex. I have no idea why.

Kudzanai wants to grab the judges attention. He has purchased a lot of pink, yellow and zippers. I have no idea what that has to do with innovation or ballet or project runway. I have a lost feeling about this whole design.

Brandon is my kind of designer. I understand why they don’t do a whole show with designers like him because there would be no drama or annoyance.

Batani’s fabric pattern is all over the place; I am not sure if I like it.

Michael and Margarita are best friending off together. They are finally talking about Michael’s backstory. It only took three episodes.

Deyonte just stuck a needle through his finger. Everyone cringes and acts like this never happens. I am not a person who sews, but I imagine this is one of those things you learn to accept and deal with.

Claire gave a gory recap of the injury. She had to tell every single person in the work room. She strikes me as the type of person who has to tell everyone at school that they heard someone in the bathroom horking. I never understood the need of individuals to be the bringing of ill news.

Now we come to the part of Project Runway when they show a montage of the twins and how annoyed everyone else is around them. I wish they would just play the music from Benny Hill.

So at the beginning of this season, I didn’t like Brandon, or I wasn’t sure. But I like him. I am SO digging his sketches for this week.

Kenya’s dress looks amazing. Black and white and form fitting.

Claire’s design is making Tim look like he’s about to have a stroke. He told her to stay away from Red Bull and coffee.

I don’t get Aaron’s, but I like it cause it’s so different.

Shawn’s outfit is nothing that I can describe. *I got her confused with Claire. Claire made this red thing that is scary as fuck. Shawn just made sweats.*

I love that Brandon complemented Kentaro. I just like him more and more.

Margarita’s dress looks very costume like and Tim mentions that. I don’t like or get the sleeves, but I’m sure that those sleeves will be the thing that the judges love.

Ayana’s dress is awesome with her hand painted stars. But then she ruins it with that metallic blue material (Homecoming dress 1994 material.)

Kudzanai’s design is very much reminding me of The Fifth Element McDonald’s uniforms. I don’t think that is a good thing.

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When you watch it, you’ll get this reference. The golden arches are on his skirt though. 

Margarita just poked her model and made her bleed. I hope they edited it to make it seem like she cared more about her garment than a poor naked bleeding model. But I doubt it.

Shawn or Claire is talking about how they hate late night sewing, but I noticed that they are only working until 9-10pm for most of these challenges. What is a late night for her?

Deyonte is in incredible pain and having a hard time completing his project. I just keep thinking this has to be a hazard of being a professional sewer.

 

I feel sorry for Kentaro, it’s ten minutes to the runway, and he’s now figuring out his outfit has no innovation.

Shawn loves Brandon’s design.

Claire hates it.

Kudzanai’s model lost her hair while trying to pull the dress on. I’m baffled that he thinks that his design is good.

I don’t understand anything that Aaron does, but I like it. He made this interesting pant suit thing.

Deyonte’s dress looks nothing at all like his design, and his model is going to try to make it work. I think she looks like an ice skater or something.

 

The Unicorn’s Designer Rank from Best to Worst:

  1. Brandon
  2. Amy
  3. Kenya
  4. Samantha
  5. Michael
  6. Batani
  7. Ayana
  8. Kentaro
  9. Aaron
  10. Shawn
  11. Claire
  12. Margarita
  13. Deyonte
  14. Kudzanai

The judges, of course, disagree with me.

Their top three: Brandon, Batani, and Margarita.

Their bottom three: Kentaro, Deyonte, and Kudzanai.

Usually, I skip over the judges and their critiques of the designers. But Zac brought back what I had been thinking during the whole show. He mentioned how he’d stuck himself several times and you just keep going.

I have to wonder if Deyonte used this as a reason to pass, I don’t feel as if he was into the project. So when you decide to send someone home is it because of how wrong their design is or the amount of effort?

Deyonte took it easy. His dress has horrible hems, the lace is unfinished, and Zac called it a mullet dress. Kentaro I don’t think understood the challenge, but he made a dress for a dancer.

I think that while I don’t understand Kudzanai’s dress, he did put a lot of effort into and had a goal in mind.

I am completely baffled by their love of Margarita’s dress. Perhaps I am not fashion forward, and that is why I am blogging about fashion and not actively designing it.

This whole show felt lackluster. The twins did the twin stuff. The rest were annoyed by them. I hope they step it up for next week.

 

Brandon won, and I am glad. His model was perfection in every way. I hate that Heidi keeps telling him that it’s ok for him to smile. I think Brandon might just be a huge introvert and he doesn’t need her to drag him out. I hope she stops.

They sent Kudzanai home this week. I am not sure I agree. His dress is almost cartoony, but he had an idea, and he ran for it. I think Deyonte was just overly safe.

So that was my recap for this week. Sorry, it was late. Life happened!

Let them knit Cake!

I love tea.

I also love yarn.

I have a thing for cake.

Caron last year introduced this beautiful thing called Caron Cakes. A lovely play on words because of how the yarn is wound and packaged for customers. Usually, the yarn in the store is sold in a skein. Those little oblong footballs of squishy joy.

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LET THEM KNIT CAKE!! Yummy a sweater made out of cake… *drools.*

People who use yarn, both love and hate those things. They love them for the ease of use when they get lucky and find the center end. Then the yarn feeds out with ease as you work with it. Sometimes you can’t locate the center without destroying the whole thing, so you use the outside. This is not the best way, so many will either make it into a ball, or if they have a winder, they will make a cake.

Now we can have a whole debate *I have sat in on some serious discussions about this* about the pros and cons of yarn cakes.

Pros: They stack beautifully. You control the center string, so it’s always easy to pull directly. The winder does all the work unless you have one that is manual. Then you do the work, but the cake is still a nifty neat little package.

Cons: The yarn sometimes *Very often for me* will jump the balls and get tangled into the gears. *CHEWED UP AND DESTROYED. MY WINDER HAS A TASTE FOR WOOL!* Some people say that it is not suitable for the yarn because it stretches it out. *I have not had an issue with this.*

The biggest con that is the main reason I no longer use cakes that I make myself is that as the center is used in your project, the whole thing deflates. It becomes a huge mess of yarn, and you have to finish it or hope like hell that your kid, significant other, furbaby, or random bastard stranger doesn’t mess it up. Because it’s a yarn knot from hell.

*HELL*

I love Yarnspirations and buy a lot of their brands and use their patterns. So when I saw that they were doing a thing with Michael’s for this line, I was utterly gleeful to get my hands on them.

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This is about as close to a vacation as I can get with a 5 year old. 

The first few cakes I got were excellent. The colors are bright, and the yarn worked up well for both knitting and crocheting. They are a medium *Number 4* worsted yarn. Suitable for garments, and most things people wip up. *See what I did there? You do if you’re a crafter!*

Worsted-weight yarn is named after a village called Worstead. This place is in England. They are no longer the mecca of fiber making, or so I hear. Which is sad, because I would like to go and give thanks.

Aran weight yarn is another term you may or may not have heard. The terms are kind of interchangeable, but Aran is heavier than worsted. Over the pond, they use this term more than Americans. Now there are Aran Islands off the coast of Ireland, and they have a cable knit that is called Aran. Do not confuse them because one is a lovely sweater and one is a yarn weight. One will cover your body; the other will give you the means to cover your body if you are so inclined, talented and have the time. *The Unicorn does not recommend but will endorse naked knitting.*

Now I am going to leave ply for another day. Mostly because I pay little attention to it, I mostly go into the yarn section and select yarn like bee’s select flowers. By color and texture.

So the purpose of this blog is to talk about the newest part of the Caron Yarn Cake line.

They made a whole batch of yarn cakes, in super bulky yarn. *This is different from the original cakes.* They named each of the colorways after tea. SO yeah, I had to track down a tea cake ASAP.

I am a color snob of the highest nose in the air Snobby McSnoberson. However, I love all of the colorways that Caron has in this line. It was utterly impossible to decide on one, so I grabbed English breakfast. I am so going to go back and get Earl Gray and Lady Gray so I can knit them together for some yarn love. *I’m kidding.* **Okay, I’m probably not.**

I like super bulky weight yarn too. I like to use it for scarves, and afghans. For the sake of this review, I have used it on both wooden and metal needles and found both to work up fast. I haven’t crocheted with it, but it feels smooth. I think the only problem that I have had so far is that one of the colors seems to go on forever. This can be due to the fact I am an impatient Unicorn, and I want to see the colors unfold.

Like the first batch of cakes these colors are lovely and contrast perfectly. I’m currently working on a scarf called Braidy, *You can find it on Ravelry, and I’ll be linking the pattern directly.*

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This is working up so lovely! I can’t wait for more of the colors to work in. 

I give the Caron Tea Cake 5 gleeful Unicorns and some glittery giggles of happiness. Links are at the bottom. Enjoy and let me know if you pick any tea cakes for yourself and what you’ll be doing with them. If it’s actual cake, come over and share it with ME!!

Michael’s Caron Tea Cakes

The Crafty Yarn Council explains yarn Weight.

The Pattern I am using linked from Ravelry

Directly to the Pattern. By Jenna Jenks

Yarnspirations, Good yarn and great patterns. Check em out.

The Tea I am drinking in the pictures. With cream and no sugar, thanks.

Go knit you an Aran sweater out of Aran weight yarn. Send me pics or it didn’t happen.

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Last View. Isn’t it lush? It’s a gift for the Viking Wife ❤ 

It’s still Monday. Barely.

I live and love with you
This charming life

Lyrics by Joan Armatrading ~This Charming Life

My son came home on Thursday with the beginning of the School Plague. I had forgotten *more like blocked* about this from last year. We spent a whole summer completely healthy.

Naturally, my kid is now mostly back to himself with twice the energy as before. While PR and I are near death and both wishing we had our mommies to come and take care of us. *If my mom shows up I would assume that the cold killed me. Since my mom passed away in 2005* 

I had a terrific week of almost being red meatless. I did have some beef Pho on Saturday in an attempt to murder the germs in my system by fire.

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It didn’t know what hit it. Totally cleared up my sinuses for a bit, it was lovely. 

PR went to the doctor and has lost a good amount of weight, since we don’t have a scale this is the yard stick that I am using that we are headed in the right direction.

 

I legit wasn’t going to update this. Mostly because I felt that as I was near death, you’d all understand if this blog appeared on Tuesday.

Yet here I sit with Game of Thrones playing in the background.

 

I wasn’t going to blog tonight. I know I said that, but I was thinking of something more generic for this week. *Coming up with nothing, so sick was a great excuse.* 

I had already gone to bed and was scanning the Facebook feed as I was bored and trying to wait for the NyQuil to kick in.

I saw a post that I can’t comment on publically, which doesn’t matter because no one reading this blog except for maybe a select few would even know who I was referring too.

A long time ago, in a galaxy far away, *Cue the music from Star Wars* this person who I am still friends with on Facebook said something to me. *A few things actually.* 

So as I laid in bed tonight, I thought about that moment when they told me that while I was perfect in every way, they couldn’t help that they weren’t attracted to me. In their head, they had a dream girl a type if you will, and I was 99% that girl. If only I was thinner.

Over the phone I smiled, as if they could see the agony this statement caused me. It didn’t matter that I had zero desire to date this person, yet they found me lacking and had no problem telling me that if I were thinner, I would be a winner. #Winning.

No, I’m not talking about Charlie Sheen. *Gross.*

A few months before this person revealed that I would never be his inspiring yet crazy ex-girlfriend. I had been dating someone for a bit, and our relationship ended because I had finally had enough. He had wanted me to look like the actress who played 7 of 9 on Star Trek Voyager. Which would not happen ever. I am too short. Not a blonde, nor am I any part of the Borg. *I still have an irrational hate for 7 of 9. I hope she ends up married to a toaster. At least that is my head canon for that character.* 

So suddenly as it usually happens connections are made, and I can use my 20/20 hindsight and see the past.

How many times have I given away a piece of myself? Oh, this hurts terribly, and I will suffer with a smile on my face because of reasons I don’t even understand.

When the Facebook Person said they weren’t attracted to me, I just remember telling myself that it was their right. *They still wanted to engage in all social media forms of sex. Cause I was ALMOST perfect, right?* Not everyone needs to feel the same about everyone else. But for the whole of my life, I have chased after people who at first don’t like me.

I don’t mean they hated my guts or anything like that; I remember when I started dating, and how this one guy was gross, had B.O. and was a jerk. But he acted like he wasn’t into me so, therefore, I had to have him and or else.

In the giving away of yourself, little tiny bits that die off because of shame, or grief, or anger, or whatever emotion chokes the life out of your spirit. We ( By we, I mean me.) find ourselves trying to replace it with something else. I think in normal relationships, either romantic or of the friendship variety we give parts away and take parts in return. Sometimes we just give bits away and leave a black spot where they were. *Kind of like the Black Family Tree. Just burnt little holes where parts of your soul used to reside.* 

The term “Comfort Food” is one I hate. I rarely find comfort in food. My relationship with food is filled with landmines and tiger traps.

If I could continue existing on the planet, I would break up with food and tell it to go fuck itself. *Except for tacos. I love you tacos.* **Okay and tea. I love you tacos and tea.** 

For me, comfort food is hate food. I hate me, so I will eat this to try and choke the part of me that is suffering. I am going to swallow my grief and shame for real. *Macho Nachos from Del Taco were my go to hate food.* **Crunchy, crunchy hate.** 

I am not the weight I am today because of just this. I know this. It is so true that food is something we can’t escape. I can stop using it as a tool of punishment. The last two weeks have been fascinating because I have wanted to throw in the towel. Because I knew that admitting to this would be hard. I didn’t want to say ugly things out loud. What if my sister read this? Although I am sure, I have told her everything I have typed tonight.

Shame. Back in the day, women would make the shroud they would be buried in. Usually due to childbirth or probably being eaten by a bear. Although in that case would they need a death shroud? Anyway, I think we weave a shroud for ourselves. We make it with all those emotions that we can’t stand. Hurt, grief, and most of all shame. (I inserted this as I proof read this post.)

On Wednesday one of my ex’s sent me a video on Facebook. We aren’t friends, so I had to approve the message first. He linked me to this video on YouTube and told me I had to watch it. It reminded him of me so much! *That exclamation mark was brought to you by sarcasm.*

I had given a lot of pieces of myself away because of this ex. He was a huge life lesson for me that it didn’t matter if you loved something, you couldn’t make something love you back. He being as messed up as I was, couldn’t let me go because he loved being the object of my obsession. It’s all very twisted, and when I look back at it now it’s dull, and all the raw edges are removed.

I watched the video, and I cried. It was very wonderful, and I will be linking it at the end of this post. I thanked him and deleted the message. No reason to open old doors. We’re both married, and I don’t find really anything about him something I want in my life. I didn’t really want him back then either. *See the previous statement about chasing things I don’t want.*

This whole blog is a bit long but stay with me for another moment. *Please* 

Tonight I realized that I had given myself away to people who didn’t deserve it. The person who didn’t think I was hot enough, they’re giving up tonight because life got hard. They are running from change with their tail tucked between their legs. It’s a theme I have watched with them for years.

I’m taking that bit of myself back. They aren’t worthy of it. I can’t go back into the whole of my life and take it all back. I can change and evolve and like the parts I gave to my PR, who gave them back doubled, so that I am filled with love.

When I throw story ideas around with *Smut Wife*, *Viking Wife*, and *Caps* I give them parts, and they give them back. They add glitter and joy to those parts.

Stop giving parts away without getting a bit in return. Let people become part of your joyful narrative instead of your funeral hymn. I know that sound dramatic, but it’s true. What happens to you when you’ve given the last piece away?

I am never again going to let someone else take a part of me. Either by force or by my careless hand because I want to hurt myself. I can’t promise this is going to be easy; I have a lot of self-loathing that needs to be addressed. I own a well of rage that is so deep and dark that it scares me. I may never get the sunshine to touch on it, but perhaps I can continue what I have been doing these last four years. Channel it all into my writing, so that my mind is clear my heart is lighter.

My goal for this week is to continue to eat better, leave the soda alone and be kind to myself. Let myself find the magic that others see in me so that I can nurture it and let it bloom. Be. Kind. To. Myself. 

The Magical Video I mentioned.

While I edited this post, this song came on. I am going to remind myself to love my charming life. I realize that isn’t what the song is about, but why can’t I have a romantic love song for myself?

This Charming Life by Joan Armatrading

Project Runway Recap: INDEED

This week: An Unconventional Recycling.

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I bet you Tim went home and had a Silkwood shower after this. 

Oh. No. The cameras are focusing on Amy. Either she is going to win, or she is going home. Usually, they focus on the winner and loser from the git go.

So this is an unconventional challenge.

Shawn: “What kind of waste? Fabric waste?”

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Shawn has never watched an actual episode of Project Runway. This is what I envisioned she was hoping for. 

Do they even fucking watch previous seasons? No bitch you’re not going to go to Mood and hit the bargain racks.

So plus-size and the planet. Project Runway: Captain Planet Edition.

DUM DUM DUM!

Team Challenge. These guys are fucked. It’s going to be nothing but drama. Team three has the twins and my girl.

Amy ultimately expresses how I feel. Dismay and annoyance.

*Shots of everyone saying how they want to win this challenge. Insert Captain Obvious.*

I feel sorry for whoever has to set up for these challenges and who has to clean up after these guys. I wish they used actual trash. Like baby diaper shit chic.

Landfill With Birds

Automatic immunity for next week if you solve a crime, or lose an eyeball to a seagull. 

Tim just mentioned the models. Who is going to freak out over their model? Team one has mostly slender models. They are overjoyed.

Team Two seems to have one plus-size model, and Kenya has her. She seems fine and unphased.

Team Three.
Shawn of the shaved head twin set is talking about her model Kylie. They flash her model card on the screen, and I pause it. Because Shawn is talking about how she is one of the more “curvy” models, I want to see what is plus-size to Twinie.

Kylie is 5’11” and has a 31.5-inch waist. That means absolutely nothing to me so I go to Old Navy and I check out their sizing chart for jeans. She is a large. Let that sink in. Everyone in the back get all of this bullshit? Someone who is barely, I repeat barely a large is huge to this designer. I am so disgusted I want to just turn off my tv.

When I decided to do recap’s I didn’t want to be a sarcastic Unicorn, but I fear I can’t control this.

The look on Shawn’s face is exactly the kind of look I’ve seen years and years ago when I made the size jump from “normal” stores to “plus-size” stores. The sales person would often give me that look that made me want to throw down everything and just go home and cry. I remember sitting on the bench in a dressing room at The Limited and bawling my eyes out when the girl came back and said. “Sorry, we don’t carry anything bigger than what you have now.”

I folded it all up neatly and left as quickly and quietly as I could, and I have never been back.

I un-pause it, and it gets worse.

“I have never worked with one of these ladies before.”

“I don’t KNOOW if a larger girl, wants a top and skirt.” *The way she said know, made me grind my teeth to dust.* **Larger girls like to run around naked. Totally naked. Plus Brandon was in the top last week and he made a top and skirt.**

I start watching it now with my head tilted to the side. It feels like I am watching a car accident and I wish they would stop going back to team two. The twins are just causing me to be upset.

I want to root for Amy, but as of right now I am not rooting at all for that team.

“I’m kinda just ugh. Samantha goes off on this tangent about making a braided top.” Shawn.

She said more stuff, but I stopped listening because she now sounds like one of the adults on Peanuts.

Shawn is still crying about her plus-size model. She hasn’t started making anything. Now her twin is on defending her. She is still crying.

I’m legit only 14 minutes in. I just can’t. I am watching commercials because I don’t want to jump back into the workroom with these people.

I am impressed with Ayana. She is trying to keep her modest POV, even when it’s almost impossible.

Back to the twins who are both losing their shit. No idea what anyone else is really up to because this episode is the Twining.

Kentaro is adorbs. I love him. IF Amy goes home, I’ll switch to him.

Tim Gunn is here to check everyone, and they are of course focusing on the twins.

INDEED INDEED INDEED. The team comes to the rescue of the twins. Tim seems okay with this. I am so done.

Wow, team three actually listened to Tim. I need a moment to contain my shock.

Back to team 2 and the drama. Shawn and Claire still have nothing.

Poor Kylie has nothing to try on, and she’s still hopeful for Shawn. You are an awesome girl. I’m sorry you’re going to get thrown under the bus on the runway.

Sentell is talking to his new husband. He may go home. I’m telling you they focus on people and either they win or lose. Sentell has a trash bag dress. I am wondering if he’s going to lose. PLEASE BE SHAWN.

Shawn isn’t even working on her design. Her sister is handling it.

I fast forwarded a bit and saw Shawn making a face. I kept going. Missed a bit, but I’m glad for it.

I LOVE BRANDON’S LOOK!! I would wear that right now. Kenya is treating her model like a sticky Barbi doll. She is wrenching that newspaper dress on her model with force. But the model looks cute in it, and it fits her perfectly.

The whole team is working on sewing Shawn’s model into her dress.

One of the models is talking about her diaper pinching her in her lady parts. She is laughing; I like her.

10 minutes to go. The designers are losing their minds.

Batani’s dress is fabulous. I love it.

 

The guest judges this week are Maggie Q and Anne Fulenwider.

Heidi is going over the prizes and says that Deyonte has immunity. That is cool they are doing that this season. I like that.

I like all of team one. The Japanese theme fits well, and I love the accents and details. I would rank them like this. From best to worst.

Kudzanai (His jacket was fantastic.)
Margarita
Deyonte
Kentaro
Michael (Didn’t fit the collection imo.)

Team two. Just don’t even know what to say. So here is my ranking. Each designer was totally confident, and I’m baffled.

Amy (I think her skirt looks very mermaid which was keeping in theme)
Samantha
Clair
Shawn, and Sentell. (I hated them both equally.)

 

Team three. Wow. I love the print that Brandon made, and they all used it throughout the whole collection.

Brandon
Batani (made Nina smile.)
Ayana
Kenya (It doesn’t fit the collection, but it is adorable.
Aaron. (The shorts were just weird to me.)

 

I think without a doubt that team three was the best.

I was right!! *Obviously*

Okay, team three won, team two is the worst, and team one is safe.

Heidi hates team two.

Sentell just admitted that he had time left over. At least an hour or two. Well, he’s going home.

Zac just said Sentell’s dress looks like a Leprechaun went dumpster diving.

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I don’t see any Leprechaun’s but I found Sentell’s dress after the show. 

Oh, I love Maggie Q. She is calling out Shawn for saying her model is plus-size.

Zac is baffled. *Me too my friend. Me too.*

Heidi likes Shawn’s dress. Sentell just admits that he made Shawn’s dress.

The twins have matching annoyed faces. I want to hit them with a brick.

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Like this. *Looks for twin bricks*

Clair just said, “If I may.” Then mentioned that the model is curvy.

Maggie Q is cutting them to the quick over it. I LOVE IT! *ROAST! ROAST! ROAST!*

Shawn just tossed Amy under the bus for style.

Everyone else is Shawn. Clair says, Sentell.

The waiting room is tense. Sentell says it weird and that he did help make Shawns dress. She says she helped sew his sleeves on. His dress had no sleeves. So maybe the last episode I don’t remember.

The judges hate Amy’s dress. 😦

UGH, I HATE THIS PART.

“Grow up and make clothing for real people.” Maggie Q. *One of my new heroes.*

Spoilers!

Ayana won! YAY!

Amy, Clair, and Samantha are safe.

PLEASE SEND SHAWN HOME.

OH, FUCKING FUCKSTICKS. SHE WAS IN THE BOTTOM LAST WEEK! SEND THAT ANNOYING TWIT HOME!

Well, Sentell can go home and see his husband.

Another week and I can deal with the twins again.

*Headdesk*

Next week I may ditch this style of recap and just write a general one. This takes up a lot of time. What do you guys think? Keep it or ditch it?

Project Runway Recap Episode 1

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Tim looks nervous. I am also nervous. 

Project Runway Recap: One Size Does Not Fit All.

So I am going to list the designers and my very first impression of them. I am going to hold back my usual snarky Unicorn and keep it nice. There were a few that kind of annoyed me. But let’s focus on the positive!

Aaron Meyes 23, Ridgewood, NY.  I think I am going to like Aaron’s style. I like androgyny, especially in clothing and design. Kinda dig his pink roots.

 

Amy Bond, 46, Los Angeles, CA. I love her. She’s going to either be a huge mess or badass the whole time. She’s a professor and jinxed herself by saying it won’t be too hard for her. Total girl crush.

 

Ayana Ife, 27, Salt Lake City, UT. Barely got a minute. They showed her for a second after the hosts turned up. Kinda lame.

 

Batani-Khalfani, 32, Inglewood, CA. I also like her a lot. The twins ask her if what she is wearing is her design style. She doesn’t get to answer. Her smile was radiant, and she called herself a quiet storm.

 

Brandon Kee, 24, San Francisco, CA. Twins attack. He only works in menswear. I don’t understand why the designers don’t watch the first 15 seasons and practice ALL wear before coming onto the show.

 

Chacha, 24, Taipei, Taiwan. His name is Vincent, but everyone calls him Chacha which means annoying bird. He’s wearing a stuffed bear necklace. I think he is trying to lull the other designers with naivete or he’s threatening their plushie collections.

 

Claire Buitendorp 27, Grand Ledge, MI. So Claire has hair. Otherwise totally the same as her sister Shawn. I had to backspace a lot for this entry. I am not sure what I think of these two. All I know is they are kinda loud and can’t seem to work without each other. Sorta wondering if they’re behind the whole cheating thing that is hinted at during the previews. Identical twin sisters would be more included to help each other, then strangers.

 

Shawn Buitendorp, 27, Grand Ledge, MI. Shawn has a shaved head. Otherwise, see everything I said about Claire Buitendorp.

 

Deyonte Weather, 36, Lynnwood, WA. I like this guy. His wife is pregnant, but his wife is supportive. I love it. He seems very authentic and intolerant of bullshit. I like that in humans. Also, his whole introduction was the twins talking over him, and all about them dressing Katy Perry. He handled it gracefully.

 

Kentaro Kameyama, 38, Los Angeles, CA.  A classical pianist turned into a designer. I think I am going to like his humor.

 

Kenya Freeman, 37, Atlanta, GA, Like I wish they would ask the twins to stop attacking all the new people. I am having a hard time gathering info. Thanks to the twins all I know is Kenya’s nails match her lips.

 

Kudzanai Karidza, 32, Atlanta, GA. He had one word. I am not sure if he said. Free or Freak. Either way, I am excited.

 

Margarita Alvarez, 30, San Juan, Puerto Rico. No bland, dull bullshit from this chick. I liked the pictures of her designs a lot.

 

Michael Brambila, 25, Oakland, CA. They never talked to this guy. So No idea who he is really. 

 

Samantha Rei, 36, Minneapolis, MN. They barely focused on her. No pictures and she said like four words.

 

Sentell McDonald, 33, New York, NY. Introduced when they bring out the models. Not the best impression, but I’ll overlook it. Why did Project Runway leave out three designers from the meet and greet intro? I never noticed that before.

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The weirdest Hip Hop album cover ever. 

Tim Gunn is adorable, and I can tell that he doesn’t like how Heidi goes in for a total smooch-a-roo.

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I love him. Shes okay. 

Red Carpet look that shows who they are.

Heidi informs them to expect the unexpected, and calls for the models to hop off the Project Runway bus.

This season all of the models range from size 0-22. I blogged about this before, and so I was prepared to feel a sting. They cut to Margarita and Kenya who are both excited.

Then they go to Sentell who hasn’t even actually been introduced yet, and he admits he’s freaking out but excited. I wonder if this is going to be the most PC Project Runway ever.

The look on Brandon’s face is pure horror. I want to cut off his man bun. I am doing my best not to judge him harshly since he only designs menswear. He admits fearing this challenge and downs his martini.

***

I’m glad they’re including all body types for this season, but I hope it’s not going to be pulled out and showcased for each episode. It’s stressful I think in a way, and if they are doing this because fashion needs to veer away from size 0 perfection, then it should just be a thing.

Almost worried that each new episode is going to fixate on the designer who gets the plus-size model and how he overcomes the special handicap. It shouldn’t be like that. But whatever gets ratings I guess.

This is Tim Gunn’s baby, and I hope it works. He has always been an advocate for all women in all shapes and sizes.

Amy make me happy. Still girl crushing.

Model Mirror is new. I am not sure I am going to like this. It seems like it’s another way drive home the plus size part.

Okay so now they are in the work room, and they are talking more about how they ended up as designers. They still have yet to speak to Michael.

Chacha is just… His model is just so fat! He says as he eats candy. I wish I could find info for the models on the PR website. But nothing. I do not believe his model is that big. He has to know that saying fat is a dick move, but he hid behind his sunshine blank face. Sentell to the rescue.

I think Kentaro is going to be the funniest person on the show.

Tim Gunn is not sure what to make of Chacha. I concur Tim. What the fuck.

Amy Bond is going to win the whole thing. PLEASE! Her snark is off the fucking hook. Margarita is also excellent, and I feel like she’s in my tribe as well when it comes to the twins.

I’m sorry the twins are too much. Indeed. INDEED.

They finally spoke to Michael for four seconds, after thirty-five minutes. Still no idea who this guy is. I wonder if he’s going to go home, or if he commits a felony at some point.

I don’t get Brandon’s thing at all. He wants luxury, and it looks like something I’d wear to the beach. I see no red carpet.

**I don’t know who those fingers belong to, but OMG they need cuticle oil. C’mon Project Runway, help them out!**

They are in the hotel now, and Michael spoke. Who is this guy?

Chacha’s dress is a little girl’s nightgown. It’s sparkling and has ruffles in places it shouldn’t. I’m going to have nightmares about that thing. It’s a shirt, but not? I have no idea what it is.

I’m surprised by how many of these designs I like.

Except for shaved twin and Chacha. This is made for the red carpet, and Shawn made silver boxers. Because… why?

Batani’s dress is gray and tight in the wrong places. Her model mentions stretchy. I don’t know if I agree that stretchy is a plus size girls best friend. Not on this level of fashion. That dress is making me feel like this time I tried on a jersey dress, and it was like the Michelin, tire guy. Then she added a ton of lacy foo foo crap. Not at all what I was expecting from her.

***

Time for the runway. Oh, Nina and Zac. I’ve missed you guys too. Heidi is back telling us about models of ALL sizes. JC Penny and Avon are sponsoring this year. My friend mentioned it was being brought to us by our mom’s generation. I have to agree.

Kenya’s design: I love.
Kudzanai’s design: I’m not sure.
Ayana’s design: I like it, it’s modest and its very keeping to her design aesthetic.
Shawn’s design: Zac and I are both thinking what the fuck.
Batani’s design: That lace down the crack of her ass is just a no.
Claire’s design: Cute if you’re twelve.
Brandon’s design : I don’t feel like its red carpet. I don’t hate it. The judges seem to like it.
Chacha’s design: Make it stop. Tim looks sad.
Amy’s design: OK I love it. But I may be biased.
Sentell’s design: Very futuristic, but not well constructed in my opinion.
Kentaro’s design: I don’t know. I think I like it…
Deyonte’s design: I LOVE IT!! The dress and the model look regal.
Michael’s design: Love the pants. The top looks like a murdered muppet.
Aaron’s design: I like it. It’s fun, but still runway.
Samantha’s design: I’ve seen this dress a million times. If it were white, it would be Greek. As in ancient Greek.
Margarita’s design: I am not sure if I like this or hate it. It’s bright and has weird shoulder thingies.

Okay, so the top three: Brandon, Deyonte, and Kenya. (I agree with Deyonte and Kenya. Brandon is passable, but I would’ve had Amy or Ayana.
Bottom three: Shawn, Chacha, and Batani. (I agree with this 100%)
Kenya’s dress has minor boo-boo’s but the fact that she got it out with as much as she did it amazing. Nina and Heidi both loved it.

Shawn doesn’t get that she’s on the bottom. Now she’s crushed. I think she is going to cry.

Chacha, I LOVE SPARKLES! She’s a big girl, but NOT TOO BIG! Everyone is looking around thinking who the fuck is he talking about. Heidi sums it up. She looks like a scrunchie. Zac you snarky bastard “This my little pony zone you’re in.” I love you. Nina is going to cut a bitch. Oh Nina ❤

Deyonte made Nina like a print. A-MAZ-ING. I love this dress. SO much.

Okay, Brandon is kinda cute in an awkward way. Nina loved it, as did guest judge. Heidi just made him blush. Okay sorta cute. He tried and did a good job.

Batani said a no-no. Camouflage her figure. Why? She wanted to show it off. This bothers me. Zac and Nina are driving home and beating to death that it’s about “real” women and she’s getting scolded. That dress is hiding something back there though. Her poor model had a rockin bod, and it was hidden.

 

So the winner is Deyonte! Which is a big fuck yeah in my book. The person sent home is Chacha. I will not miss him at all. He felt like a throw away designer for the sake of having no one of worth go home the first episode.

 

From now on the recap will be up on Friday. I spent the weekend debating if I was going to do this. It’s actually a lot of work. I am not promising I will continue this.. LOL.

 

Who did you like? Who did you not like. Let me know!

#TeamAmy!